It comes once a year. We all know it’s coming. Valentine’s Day. Some of us look forward to this day because maybe it’s the only time your boyfriend/girlfriend will show PDA in public or even shower you with (what you think are well deserved) gifts. And then there’s the ones that dread it. You moan and groan and even make jokes about how single you really are. (Don’t worry I’m right there with you.)
The more depressing holiday in my opinion. Galentine’s Day. A day where single girls thrive on being single. You have dinner with your girlie pops, maybe some wine (wait, of course wine), lots and lots of chocolates, and the infamous bashing of love rituals. Now in the past when my friends and I celebrated this holiday it never ended up how I thought it would. So happy and independent and a better sense of my worth. Instead I would crawl into my bed with my chocolates and be in a temporary state of depression because I thought I was not worthy of love.
Girls, why do we do this to ourselves? You know. Boast in how you’re too good for him and then bash yourself and your worth when you’re alone? You talk about how much you hate love and boys. But why?
What even is love?
Wherever I look I get three extreme answers to what love is. These are lies fed to us in our daily lives. And I can’t take it anymore. So I am going to help set you free from these lies the world and the enemy tell us:
- You are not worthy of Love.
- Love is like a stove. Once it burns you, never touch it again.
- Something is wrong with you if you aren’t in a relationship.
Now, I can honestly say that I used to believe all of these until I searched and found the truth.
I am 22 years old and I have only been in 1 serious relationship. Now getting me into that relationship wasn’t easy. No, he did not force me or bribe me. My head and my heart fought for three months. They fought because I thought I was not worthy of him and his time. I thought he was too good for me. 3 MONTHS!! Eventually, God changed my heart and showed me my worth. My worth did not come from what this guy thought of me but who God says I am. I first had to find my worth in Jesus.
“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.” – Psalm 139:14
I grew up a strong, independent women. (Too strong and too independent). I only wanted a man if it was Mr. Darcy from Pride and Prejudice because of course I am Miss Lizzy. I honestly feared loved. It was so much easier to be dependent on myself and not someone who would disappoint me. It was easier for me to hide myself than let someone truly know me. Saying I wanted to be single forever was easier than getting my heart broken. If I never had to get into a relationship then my heart would never be broken. Oh man was I wrong.
God broke me and showed me that I was in need of love. His love. That He is the one I can truly depend on. He is the only one who will never disappoint me. He was the one who knew me even better than myself. He knit me together in my mothers womb! (Psalm 139:13-15) He would never leave me.
“I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you.”-John 14:18
A short six months later, my boyfriend and I broke up and my heart wasn’t broken. I thought he was the one I was going to marry and yet I am not heart broken?! Instead I rejoiced. I rejoiced because I was still in a relationship with my one true love. Jesus. And I always will be.
“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” -Isaiah 41:10
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“therefore I will hope in him.”- Lamentations 3:22-24
Ladies, I am here to tell you your worth because someone has to. You are worthy of love. You are worth a Son. God’s only son. Heaven went bankrupt for you, me, the girl in your chem class, my waitress at Red Lobster, the girl you hate, literally everyone. Yes, everyone even that one person who shall not me named. God gave His ONLY son so he could have a personal relationship with you.
“For God so LOVED the world, that he gave His ONLY Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have eternal life. “- John 3:16
Still don’t think you’re of worth?
You are a beautiful pearl of great value.
“Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant in search of fine pearls, who, on finding one pearl of great value, went and sold ALL that he had and BOUGHT it.”- Matthew 13:45
“BUT God, being rich in mercy, because of the GREAT LOVE with which He loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ, by grace you have been saved.” – Ephesians 2:4-5
Now I use this expression, “Love is like a stove. Once it burns you, never touch it again” because it’s what we do. Once we experience a bad break up or rejection we swear off boys for well, forever. (Let me know how long it lasts). But this can also go for friendships.
I love love. I love loving my friends, family and even being in love. It gives me all sorts of feels. It’s weird to think about because only a year ago I was soooooo committed to doing singles ministry (I’ll elaborate more on this later) and never wanting to fall in love. But do you really know God if you don’t know love?
“For love is from God, and whoever does has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because GOD IS LOVE. There is no fear in love, but perfect loves casts out fear. We love because He first loved us.”- 1 John 4:7-8,16,19 (Go read this whole chapter, I promise you will thank me).
So ladies love is a very good thing. Love is God. So please don’t give up on it. Whether it’s with an ex-boyfriend or ex-bestfriend that hurt you, I promise God will restore you if you let Him. Again, He is the perfect definition of love. So go on and touch the stove again, just make sure the heat is off. 😉
Lastly, something is wrong with you if you aren’t in a relationship.
I probably hate this misconception the most. Thank you Pinterest for making me have impossible standards of marriage, a house, wedding, the whole enchilada. NOTHING IS WRONG WITH US! The Bible never says, “and when you reach 20 years old, God will bless you with the perfect man and you will have perfect children, a white picketed fence, ‘ketchup fights, tickles and giggles.'” (I’m sorry if you don’t watch The Office, p.s. happy anniversary Ryan and Kelly.) But I kinda wish it did. The Bible never promises you a marriage. Once we know this, it becomes so much easier to see that nothing is wrong with you, but it’s their views and values that could be wrong. I am also not saying that marriage is bad. I want a marriage someday and maybe four little boys running around named James, Jude, Luke and Elliot. But I am not placing my hope in it because it is not promised to me. But instead placing my hope in the one I am promised to for forever. Jesus.
“And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy. I will betroth you to me in faithfulness. And you shall know the Lord.”- Hosea 2:19-20
“For your Maker is your husband,
the Lord of hosts is his name;
and the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer,
the God of the whole earth he is called.”- Isaiah 54:5
The other side I see is girls rushing into relationships for the fact a guy is a follower of Christ. Yes, I think that should be a non-negtionable but not the only reason why you see yourself with that man. I see it over and over again (including myself) that girls think if you are in a Christian relationship then it will be rainbows and butterflies. That no sin will take root. We are humans!! We are sinners! So yes, a Christian relationship will have sin. I don’t believe in looking for a relationship with any Christian guy. Instead, I look at one man and see attributes of the Lord in him, and thats what I find attractive. Somebody who reflects Christ in all areas of his life. So stop looking for love in all the wrong places. Stop looking at the guys in your church as possible husbands but instead as brothers in Christ.
If anything, Paul says its easier to be single in 1 Corinthians 7! I used to be the person that said I wanted to do singles ministry because,
- Somebody has to do it.
- They need it most.
I am honestly so disappointed in myself that I thought that way. Why did I? Because it was an easy excuse for me to remain single. We do not need a singles ministry. Is singles ministry bad? Not at all, but I believe putting that label on it gives us the impression that something is wrong with the ones in it. Yes, singles do need different guidance than married couples. If God blesses me with a man in my life that will one day become my husband then thank you Lord. But, until then I rejoice in my singleness this valentine’s day. In my singleness I can fully serve the one who deserves it the most. Not because He forces me, but I do it because I am eternally grateful for His love and the worth He finds in me.
Girls, REJOICE this Valentine’s day! You are not alone! You are worthy, cherished and loved way more than you could every imagine. Go spend sometime who says all these things about you so you can experience it! So go get some chocolates and crack open the greatest love story of all time, The Bible. Find out your worth for yourself. See how much God loves you. Experience how cherished you are because you are,
Wanted. Chosen. Loved.
Grace & Blessings,